Bruce Bogtrotter, everyone remembers the fat gross curly
haired kid who ate a whole chocolate cake made of blood, sweat and tears, it
looked delicious and the ungrateful rat took way too long to get hat down his
gullet, spoilt, that’s what he is!
Ever since their family moved to the US of A they have been
Bog trotting champions in their town. They’ve won every year for the last 200
years. Hell, that’s where they got the name, money and z-list fame.
To win the Bogtrotter race, a couple of entrees must
basically run a race with their trousers round their legs and a toilet seat
around their head and they got to run whilst holding the toilet seat up. It was
difficult yet funny to watch because it was also quite dangerous not having
hands to fall on if your trousers tripped you. Which they did a lot.
Bruce’s parents were lazy twats, they mostly just locked
him in the house and went about their lives, Bruce learnt most of his life
lessons from food packaging. My God, he even thought that frowning at food would
turn it bad.
He learnt from food packing how to love his family, well,
how to look like he loves his family. Y’know, sitting on the settee, smiling
near a human. Didn’t know how to do that normal, in his fantasies about it he
still feels sad and just pouts.
This never set him back in landing other opportunities in
films, like the Wedding singer and the Willy Wonka factory remake!
Of course, Bogtrotter was the fat kid in the pipe, who else
could have been cast for that crap?!!! Just Bruce, probably.
Apparently, he generally was actually psychically stuck in
the pipe for seventeen days and the suction just kept on suckling, when he
eventually got out, the pipe had sucked all his hair off!
Poor Bruce, bald, incontinent and has a nervous twitch
where his arm rises and his head tilts quickly and he shouts, “jelly tots”
randomly.
Turns out his incontinence was due to diabetes! Nothing
great ever happened to Bruce, he even lost a toe because of it, which he kept
floating in a cup of water. It was foul, the toe was black and rank smelling.
It was cool though, having diabetes, meant he had first
choice of food in high school, doctors note and everything. He presented it proudly
to all the normal sized students every day, twelve o clock on the dot. He was
basically first anyway.
Bullied constantly, limping, twitching, pissing himself,
fat Bruce had crap from everyone. Not to mention that he was bald at twelve. He
was a walking and talking laugh.
He thought college would be well different, poor twat was
well excited to learn in a mature environment. Pah! It was the exact same, just
a few new faces and insults.
They used to shout about all the children starving in
Africa and how it was his fault and how even been accused of eating a person.
The Police even tested his stool following reports from
parents.
Like he is so huge, they thought he could have swallowed
another kid whole.
A snake he was not.
He’s always been empowered by tea, the little special leaves,
handpicked, he thought the hand had chosen him to be the giant unstoppable
eating machine just because he sometimes had a cup of tea for breakfast.
It started when he got a habit of snorting sugar to rebel
against the hand and try and loose a shed ton of weight. Irony. Bruce loved the
sugar rock. Noice!
He began trying to sell his sugar to others and gained a
few dodgy friends. He used to crush the sugar so it looked a little chalky but
it didn’t really do anything, probably could cause maggots in the brain like.
The sugar made him more nuts mentally though, he’d get really
hyper and flip out, he punched a dick off a guy, seriously, it full out popped
off with a punch. Through the zipper. No screams, no blood, just a clean move
of dick and shocked faces all around.
Bruce realised that the sugar was giving him metal magic
powers. He was solid and could pop off genitals like it was nothing.
He screamed in a girl’s face and her eyes fucking exploded,
popped in his face, blind for the rest of her days, and he didn’t even get done
for it, prove it was him like, nope.
Phone the police on me for popping off dicks, nothing they
can do. Prove it.
Bruce was relentless, all he did was snort and play up with
anyone stupid enough to be around him.
Bruce pulled on his own nipples so hard that Mark’s nips
became like bananas hanging from his chest. Prove it bitch. He didn’t lay a
finger on him. They just swelled at the same moment as him pulling his.
“His tits are just bananas, what can I say?” He explained, kind
of.
The filth laughed it off, this kid is a bit strange, not
dangerous, just nuts.
He’s hung out at bars and took home desperate women or men,
even goats and would force them to race him in their trousers around their
ankles around the house, if they wouldn’t he’d threaten to remove their big toe
thus stopping them wearing flip flops forever.
Some would argue that preventing flip flops was the work of
a hero and so did Bruce. Of course, none of these people wanted to race this
guy in their underwear but I never really heard of many people actually losing
toes so he probably never followed through anyway. Useless.
xD epic!
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