Iain here, The IDS fucking A, the A stands for ace! Following my classic April fools prank I am being forced by the Conservative party to take up the challenge of living on £53 a week, i lol'd on Thatcher's sandwich, punched the table and stood up to the challenge because I'm the K to the I to the N G, motherfuckers!
Tuesday 2nd April 2013, Piss Street
Well i moved into the bedsit this morning for my challenge, and to be honest, it's like a fucking holiday being away from the bastard farm yard animals anyway, that cockrell had just one more morning to wake me up i tell you! If i ever catch that cock!! I swear! I'll squeeze it so fucking hard.
So anyway, I've been playing with my calculator, hehe i made the word boobies by writing 5318008!! Made my day that did. I nearly knocked one out right there! Once i calmed down i decided to split my £53 over seven days, bargain, £7.57 budget per day, I can easily go to the shop now and get a weeks shopping for a tenner, I'll live on ham sandwiches and Pot Noodles. Easy. That's what the chavs like anyway init? I could even go crazy and mix them. Sorted bruv.
Right so I went to the shop and bought a loaf of bread (daily bread like Jesus should be delivering i reckon) butter, ham and 7 pot noodles. Only thing was i went over my budget, spent £16.24, fucking rip off! But it's ok, I'll be fine with £36.76...
Wednesday 3rd April 2013, Da King eating King Pot Noodles for breakfast
That's right, A bombay Badboy for brekkie, my Butler would have a seizure if he saw me now, I'm a god damn rebel, I'm just gonna chill for the rest of the day whilst texting my misses, Liz (I miss you hehehehe)! Happy times :D I'm not even putting my pants on, leaving the window open and letting things fly.
Thursday 4th April 2013, Confused as fuck
Everytime i try and text Liz it's failing, what does it mean? i got signal! a man caught me by the window naked making sure i did have signal harhar! :s everytime i try to phone her it's going to India and i can't understand. i took it open and i couldn't see the money slot, aww screw it. Who needs a phone anyway? If i was a real doley, I'd get a job by walking into an establishment where i wanted work and i would demand a job and wait until they grant me one. so I don't think i need a phone anyway.
I'm getting sick of Pot Noodles and Ham sandwiches already, I've been ripping up my ham and bread in the Pot Noodle to making it a bit more interesting, gonna have to go shopping again, kinda bored not getting on the wine and dinner parties so been eating like fuck. i don't think there's much in these Pot Noodles, i got no energy, so screw them, I'm going to the shop in my onsie, they're cool now right? Think I'll get sausage rolls and cheese this time, ohh and a cheap bottle of wine, i can't stick water anymore!I asked the nice lady in the shop about my phone and she said i needed to top it up, so i got the cheapest £10 credit and the shopping came to a staggering: £19.00 so I'm left with £17.76. Bah it'll be fine, just a few more days to do, I'll have sausage roll and cheese sandwiches if i have to :D BEWSH! Newsgroup!!
Friday 5th April 2013, Tv is making me crazy
Shit me I'm bored, I've only got four bastard channels to select from, what's all that about?! My wine's all gone and i only got £2 credit left in my phone. What's a fool gonna do on a Friday night with just a couple of quid? Bah, i can do this! I CAN DO THUS!!
Hahahaha I've been having heaps of fun flashing my arse at passers by, but I'm a bit scared because a guy saw me and phoned someone whilst running away so i think he's gonna be coming back with more people or he's phoned the police, I'll let you know what happens :s i was only playing! Time to lay down low and watch tv again. Eastenders is on in a minute anyway! :D
Well nothing came of my mooning anyway, so that's grand, tv has pretty much finished for me tonight though so i think I'll go down the shop and get another bottle of wine, i noticed i need to get some shower gel and deodorant though, forgot about that, i smell quite similar to a Llama's behind at the moment, in the nicest possible way anyway. £9.56 in the shop, £9.56, leaving me with £8.20. I'm just gonna sink this wine now...
Saturday 6th April 2013, Hangover to shit
That wine was so cheap and nasty that even every hair on my body is hurting, i rhelllllyyy need a good old English fry up. Gah. But it'll have to be sausage rolls and cheese for me...I've only dressed today because it's fucking freezing in here and i was gonna go to the shop again to top up but i haven't got enough money. fuck it, fuck it allllllll.
If i give up now because i got £8.20 left will that mean i passed the challenge? It's just I'm so fucking bored now. I proved that if you're selective with your food you can live off the money etc etc People on the dole don't pay for anything else right? their heating and all that is in yeah? i don't fucking know. it can be done though. see. I got £8.20 left. that's almost two double vodkas and Red Bull that is! S'not bad son!!
I texted my wife and she said i can't finish yet :( I got to finish the challenge like. Fucking shit.
Sunday 7th April 2013, Nuh
The sausage rolls are gone and cheese sandwiches are making me angry, I've been putting the bread between the cheese slices for fun but they still taste horrendous! so shoppio!!
I got 26p change from the shop just tonight and tomorrow to go so got another bottle of wine (i won't learn) ham and a packet of crisps! :DI threw a slice of bread at a boy passing by earlier and hid under the window sill, he spun around confused for ages and took the slice with him hahahhahahahahaha! I bet he's gonna eat it or test it for aliens :D I just made a child's night boys.The wine is gone and i can't get more, why is the wine gone!?! I'm going to bed.
Monday 8th April, the last day :D
Feeling great today, I've pretty much completed the challenge, all i need to do now is wake up in the morning, punch the first person i see with 26p in my hand then it's in your face the UK! Come to think of it though, don't people have to pay water, gas, electric, tv license with this money too? nah that's just stupid... I'm crazy because that wine is fucking shit, they must have squeezed the grapes off a hobos arse or something! hahahaha. Eww. i drunk that shit :s feck.
Tuesday 9th April I R Weiner!
I completed the challenge! £53 a week guys, easy. I could do this for a month bachs! Fucka you!!
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